Equipoise
by Light Within Darkness
Summary: Like light and darkness, they balance each other perfectly. Thirteen drabbles/one-shots about how opposites attract. All AkuRoku.
1. Searching

**Author's Note****: This year, I thought to myself "I'M DEFINITELY WRITING AN AKUROKU DAY FIC, DAMMIT!" But the problem was, I had no ideas for one. So like I always do when I'm at a loss for a plot bunny, I went to dictionary . com and I looked at their Word of the Day. It was "equipoise." And it was a perfect, perfect word for Axel and Roxas, because it's all about balance.**

**So then I realized that this is a special AkuRoku day, because not only is it a day celebrating one of the best yaoi pairings of all time, but it is also the month when "Kingdom Hearts: 358/2" comes out. And I realized that in order to celebrate such epic-ness, I needed to write something equally epic. Like, oh say…a drabble series!**

**All these drabbles will be short, around one or two pages. (Hopefully, anyways. As anyone who regularly reads my stuff knows, I **_**fail**_** at keeping things short.) They'll be updated rather quickly, because they don't take long to write. They'll all be unrelated unless I say otherwise. Genres will vary. And they'll all focus on how Axel and Roxas balance each other out. None will go above a 'T' rating, because I don't post smut on FanFiction. **

**And none of them will be "358/2" compliant. Sorry guys, I'm waiting to play the game for myself before I write any Fics. I might occasionally allude to Axel's Somebody's name, or mention that he and Saix used to be friends, but that's it.**

**DEDICATION****: To the amazing awesomeness of **Dualism**. She has no idea I even exist, but if I could someday have half the talent that is contained in that writer's pinky finger, my life would be complete. Her stories got me into Zemyx, and I will fanwhore her until the end of time.**

**DISCLAIMER****: I don't own "Kingdom Hearts." That happy privilege belongs to Tetsuya Nomura, Square Enix, and Disney. I make no money off this story. I am a broke college student living off her laptop, I have no money in general.**

_Equipoise (n): 1) An equal distribution of weight, equal balance, equilibrium. 2) A counterpoise._

**Equipoise**

**By: Light Within Darkness**

**o1. Axel wants to lose, Roxas wants to find.**

The first thing Axel remembers about being a Nobody was the confusion.

He was stumbling around the Dark City, naked and cold. His memories tumble through his mind as flashes of garish color. He remembers screaming, panicking crowds of people being assaulted by wave upon wave of wriggling, insect-like black creatures. He remembers running, running, calling out for someone, _anyone_, to save him. And pain. Oh, he remembers pain. There's still a slight ache from where a claw pierced his chest and yanked out his heart, which rose, catching the light and sparkling like a rare gem, up up up into the sky. Then everything went black.

So now he finds himself in this dark, abandoned city. He thinks, _where am I? Who am I? Why aren't I dead? Why am I here? Where's my family, my friends…?_

When the Organization finds him and takes him in, they explain how he's lost his heart, how he's nothing but an empty shell, a Nobody. He cannot feel, does not exist, and his only hope of regaining what he has lost lies with them. So he joins up. He's got nothing left to lose, after all.

He feels the ghost of anger, then. Anger for what he's lost, for what he's become. And deep down he feels a sharp, keening pain, like sadness. So Axel decides it would be best to forget about his life before becoming a Nobody. He covers up his memories of emotions with a cocky, laughing exterior. He plays pranks, jokes around, tries to enjoy his not-life. The Organization thinks he's immature, but Axel's not looking to make friends. He can't bring himself to care enough.

Then Roxas joins Organization XIII.

Axel remembers when he first laid eyes on the young Keyblade Wielder. He ran into him in the corridors, while Xemnas was showing the boy around the Castle That Never Was, and Axel couldn't help but think how _small _the boy was, how young. The black cloak he's wearing looks like it's swallowing him whole. He's trying to look tough, Axel can tell. His hands are clenched into fists at his sides, his jaw is tight, and his body language practically screams "DON'T TOUCH ME." But his eyes…they're so _blue_, just like his Somebody's, and they betray the same fear and confusion Axel felt when he first became a Nobody. And seeing this makes Axel stop as they walk up to him.

Xemnas stops when he sees Axel. "Ah, Axel," he almost purrs, smirking. "You remember Roxas, our newest member. I'd like you to take care of him for me, show him the ropes around here, so to speak. Help him get used to things, would you?"

Axel nods, and shoots the boy a wink. Roxas cocks his head at him, eyes going straight to Axel's unusual spiky red hair. Axel smiles slightly. He can tell Xemnas means this as a punishment; Axel has never wanted a partner. He's never cared about that. But this boy, this _Roxas_…

This boy makes all his questions come back. As he and Xemnas continue down the corridor, Axel stares after the blond's retreating back. He wonders for the first time in a long while just how long it's been since he became a Nobody. The old questions reverberate through his head, seeming to echo slightly, _Where am I? Who am I? Why am I here?_

Axel can tell that Roxas will be interesting.

* * *

When they go out together on their first mission-a simple reconaissance, as Roxas is just a beginner-Axel is struck by how much the boy wants to _explore_. His eyes take in every tree, every rock, and every blade of grass. Axel has never been this interested in the scenery of a world before. He's only done his missions for Xemnas and then left.

When they're ambushed by a group of Heartless, Roxas fights with unrivaled passion. Axel, who's never felt anything during a battle, is surprised at how deftly the boy maneuvers his twin Keyblades, slashing through the shadowy bodies and reducing them to nothingness. Between the two of them the Heartless are quickly destroyed, and Roxas stands and watches with undisguised amazement at the crystalline hearts they've released, disappearing into the sky.

The next time Axel spars, he thinks of the expression on Roxas' face as he fought, the way he sliced and thrust with his blades. He smirks and sets his chakram aflame. His opponent is lying on the ground in defeat in record time.

* * *

Every time they go out together on a mission, Roxas asks Axel if they can stay a few minutes longer to explore. Axel doesn't really like The World That Never Was, it's too cold and wet and dark. But he likes spending time with Roxas, and Xemnas won't notice if they're a little late coming back. So he says yes.

That's how they discover sea salt ice cream and the beautiful view of the sunset from the clock tower in Twilight Town. And it soon becomes their favorite place to sit and relax after a long, hard day. They feel they can talk about anything up there together. They feel safe, safer than either has felt in a long time.

* * *

Axel is disturbed by the traces of Sora he keeps seeing in Roxas. When they go on a mission to a world with a beach, Roxas spends a long time standing at the shoreline, looking out on the horizon. His eyes look as if he is far, far away, and he seems as if he's desperately trying to remember something. Axel tries to distract him with swimming and sand castles, but Roxas still seems as if he's not entirely present that day.

Roxas tells Axel that he's been wondering why he can't remember anything. He wants to know who his Somebody is. He wants to know why he exists. And he says all these things with such conviction that Axel feels sure he'll try to find the answers.

And this is a problem for Axel. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to Roxas, because lately he's been wondering about other things. Like if Roxas' mussed-up, honey blond hair is really as soft as it looks, or if it would feel nice to kiss those sweet pink lips. And if Axel touched him in the right places, what would those too-blue eyes look like?

* * *

"Axel." Roxas says one evening, as they're finishing their sea salt ice creams on the clock tower. "I've been having these weird dreams lately…about this guy named Sora. He's got a Keyblade like me." Roxas looks at Axel with a desperate stare, leaning forward slightly and closing the distance between the two. If Axel had a heart, it would be pounding fit to burst right about now. "Do you think this means anything?"

Axel doesn't know what to say. So he leans forward and kisses Roxas' soft pink lips.

Roxas' eyes widen in shock, and Axel worries he'll try to push him off. But then Axel feels those oh-so-soft lips smile a little, and the blond pushes himself close against Axel and kisses him back.

* * *

"I'm leaving," Roxas says, and if Axel had a heart, this would be the part where it breaks.

"This isn't enough for you? _I'm_ not enough for you?" Axel mutters angrily, preferring to stare at the floor rather than Roxas.

"It's not that, Axel. I just…I need to know, OK? I need to find out who I really am. I need answers. A part of me will never be satisfied until I do."

Axel leans in and kisses Roxas for the last time, desperately, his tongue memorizing every inch of the boy's mouth. "Don't forget me, OK? Don't forget that you're Roxas. You'll always be _Roxas_." He murmurs against Roxas' ear.

Roxas leans into his chest, toying with a spike of red hair. "I won't," he murmurs.

* * *

After Roxas is gone, Axel goes back to his homeworld for the first time since becoming a Nobody.

It's nothing now. Nothing but shadows, with slinking black Heartless bodies and sickly yellow Heartless eyes around every corner, erupting from every crack in the ground.

Axel thinks that it's dangerous to try and find out too much.

**Author's Note****: Ugh…five pages. Once again, I **_**fail **_**at drabbling.**

**Yeah, well, this was angstier than I wanted…but that's what I ended up writing anyway. Go figure. These won't all be angsty, there will be happy sweet fluff too.**

**Review please? Reviews are nice.**

**HAPPY AKUROKU DAY!!!**

**~LWD~ **


	2. Height

**Author's Note****: I seriously apologize for going so long between updates. Preparing for college is a hell of a lot of work; it'll be a relief to finally move in at the end of this week. So this officially makes this the last AkuRoku drabble I'm typing from home. After this I'll be reporting to you guys from **_**college**_**, and I'll try my hardest to be more consistent.**

**DISCLAIMER****: If I owned "Kingdom Hearts," I wouldn't be writing FanFiction about it. Rather, I would make all my FanFictions a reality, and SquareEnix would have to rate the game 'M' and rename it "Super Happy Yaoi Fun Time." :D **

**WARNINGS****: Language…especially on Roxas' part. ;)**

**DEDICATION****: For the two authors on FanFiction I admire the most: **Dualism **and** .project.107**. You haven't lived until you've read Dualism's Zemyx stories, and .project.107's absolutely amazing AkuRoku story "Hearts That Pump Dust" makes anything I've written look like the ramblings of a five-year-old on crack. I will fanwhore those two until the end of time.**

**This drabble is lighter than the last one. A bit of fluffy goodness for my wonderful readers the week before **_358/2_ **comes out and three days before I go to college.**

_Equipoise (n): 1) An equal distribution of weight, equal balance, equilibrium. 2) A counterpoise._

**o2. Axel is tall, Roxas is short.**

"Whatcha doin', Roxy?"

Roxas had currently been jumping up and down underneath a row of white cabinets in the kitchen of the Castle That Never Was, stretching his hands up to swipe at the closed door of one particular cabinet. But he turned upon hearing his nickname and glowered at his red-haired partner from underneath his spiky honey-blond fringe.

"What the fuck does it look like I'm doing, Axel?" Roxas growled, standing on tiptoe and letting out a particularly foul expletive when his fingers brushed the bottom of the cabinet, but were still not close enough to open its little door. "I'm practicing for the freaking ballet."

"You need to work on your posture, then," Axel smirked, leaning against the counter and watching the blond struggle. "You'll never get to be the Nutcracker Princess if you keep slouching like that."

"GODDAMMIT, AXEL!" Roxas roared, stomping over to the redhead and jabbing a finger into his bony chest. "The peanut butter! I want the _fucking_ peanut butter, but I can't reach the _fucking_ cabinet!" He slammed a fist onto the countertop for emphasis, narrowing his striking blue eyes at Axel as if daring him to make a smart-ass remark.

…Which he, of course, did. "So why don't you stand on a chair, then?" Axel asked, his own emerald green eyes seemingly becoming more catlike as his smirk widened.

"Do you see any chairs?!" Roxas gritted out though clenched teeth, gesturing violently at the kitchen table.

Axel's eyes widened slightly in surprise as he saw that, sure enough, all the chairs seemed to have vanished from the kitchen table. The table was quite large, as it was meant to seat thirteen people, and it took up a good quarter of the huge kitchen. The redhead thought it looked quite bare without the usual chairs scattered haphazardly around it.

"Where'd all the chairs go?"

"Xigbar took them," Roxas replied.

"What does he want with thirteen chairs?"

"He wants to try and jump all of them on a motorcycle. Said something about seeing a guy do it on TV last night." Roxas rolled his eyes and thumped his head down on the countertop, apparently overwhelmed by the stupidity of the people he was living with.

"Ah." Axel made a mental note to stop by Xigbar's room later with his camera. He could practically smell an opportunity to add to his already extensive blackmail files of each Organization member here. "But why don't you portal up to the cabinet? Or did you forget already?" Axel reached out to ruffle the shorter Nobody's blond spikes, still smirking widely.

Roxas smacked his hand away, still glaring at him. "Are you a moron?" He deadpanned. "The kitchen's a Portal-Free Zone now, after what happened with Vexen last week."

"I remember," Axel said huffily, crossing his arms over his chest in a huff. "Hel-lo, it's me, right? I'm the 'got it memorized' guy around here."

In actuality Axel could have hit himself for forgetting the incident a month after Roxas had joined Organization XIII. Vexen, in one of his crazier moods, had sent a heap of toxic waste from his lab via Dark Portal to land on top of the dinner table. During dinner, when everyone was in the kitchen. Needless to say, they'd all gone out for pizza for the next week. That stuff smelt worse than Lexaeus did after he cut the cheese.

After the Castle's resident Dusks had finally cleaned the mess up and used what must have been a truckload of air freshener just to make the room habitable again, Xemnas had performed some bit of magic that made it impossible for Nobodies to use Dark Portals while in the kitchen. No one had wanted a repeat performance of _that_.

"You sure forget a lot of stuff for someone so big on memorization," Roxas scoffed.

"Hey!" Axel cried. "I didn't _forget_, OK? It just slipped my mind for a moment is all."

"Suuure it did." Roxas flashed Axel a smirk of his own.

"Well-well-" Axel sputtered, wracking his brains for a decent comeback. It was so rare that the blond was able to one-up him like this, and he was shocked at how unprepared he was. "At least I'm not short!" He finally said, smiling triumphantly.

"Do _not_ go there." Roxas jabbed Axel in the chest again, the very picture of fury. "I can kick your ass, you know."

"Heh, you wish, Roxy-poo."

"You wanna fight?!" Roxas was in his face, blue eyes practically sparking from fury. "We can have a go right now if you want…if you'd just get me the damn peanut butter first so I can _eat_!"

Axel blinked a few times in shock. Had Roxas planned this out, as a way to get someone to give him things from the higher cabinets without losing his dignity? If so, he was much trickier than Axel had given him credit for…but the redhead still wasn't planning on making it easy for him.

"Say 'please' first."

"I'll kick you in the balls, how's that for 'please?'"

"Now, now, Roxy, didn't your mother ever teach you manners?" Axel waved a teasing finger in front of the younger Nobody's face.

Roxas let out a scream of frustration, and Axel's smirk grew wider. Really, it was quite arousing having the blond this close to him. And his angry face was absolutely adorable. Axel really needed to get Roxas riled up more often.

Then a devious grin spread over Roxas' own face, reminding Axel painfully of Zexion when he had just thought of a particularly nasty new scheme. But Axel didn't have much time to wonder about what the blond was planning, for the young Keyblade Wielder quickly yanked Axel down by the silver tassels of his Organization cloak and kissed him.

Axel's eyes widened in shock, his mouth dropping open slightly. Roxas took the opportunity to slip his tongue in and…_oh damn_, Axel hadn't even known anyone could do that with their tongues! He sighed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Roxas' head and kissing him back fiercely…

…just as the boy pulled away from him, face flushed and panting slightly. "Now, Axel," he ordered. "Get me the peanut butter."

Axel, his brain still swirling from what had just happened, nodded and went over to the cabinet, grabbing the jar of peanut butter and handing it to Roxas. "Alright, now where were we?" He grinned, leaning back down for another kiss.

"Eh, maybe later, Axel." Roxas shrugged, eyes twinkling mischievously up at the redhead. "I'm hungry now."

And with that he ran out of the kitchen and into a Dark Portal, leaving Axel staring open-mouthed after him.

"Roxas!" The redhead yelled loud enough for the whole Castle to hear. "Damn it Roxas, you can't just leave like that! THAT'S CHEATING, DAMMIT!! You are really in for it when I find you!"

**Author's Note****: Heh. Roxas=1, Axel=0. ^_^ I love making Roxas torture poor Axel.**

**REVIEW CORNER**** Thanks for Reviewing: **New Light, NinjaSheik, mizu-chanX3, moon maiden of time

**And remember everyone…Reviews=Love!**

**~LWD~**


	3. Hero Complex

**Author's Note****: Ugh. I've had one helluva week. Feels like it's been three months already. College is really…something else. But I haven't been here long enough to give you guys a decent opinion yet.**

**One thing I **_**can**_** tell you is that they give us a shitload of homework here. Mostly it's just been reading, but I'm still getting my feet under me here, on top of moving in to a crazy new dorm and all. So here's another AkuRoku drabble to keep everyone interested until I can get out another story update. After working on my original stories for a bit, I'll update "Blink," then "Unforgivable Sins" on AFF. So stick with me here, I haven't stopped yet!**

**DISCLAIMER****: Believe me, if I owned "Kingdom Hearts" Sora would be walking around in a speedo. Since he obviously isn't, I guess that means I don't own "Kingdom Hearts." Oh, poo. :P**

**DEDICATION****: Once again, to the ever-amazing and wonderful **Dualism **and **.project.107**. They're some of the best writers and yaoi shippers I've seen in a long time. Everyone should go read their stuff ASAP.**

**I'm so sorry,** moon maiden of time**, I know I promised you a fluffy drabble here. But I just haven't been in a fluffy mood lately, which is why this is a really angsty drabble instead. So enjoy the angst for now, and I promise you "Sick Days" will be out soon!**

**Damn, this Author's Note is a drabble in and of itself…**

_Equipoise (n): 1) An equal distribution of weight, equal balance, equilibrium. 2) A counterpoise._

**Hero Complex**

**o3. Axel is a villain, Roxas is a hero.**

They're out on Axel's favorite type of mission, destroying the last few panicking inhabitants of a World soon to be taken by the Heartless. Each stroke of Axel's chakram and Roxas' Keyblades, Oathkeeper and Oblivion, releases another glowing pinkish-red Heart up into Kingdom Hearts, like sacrificing an animal to an ancient god. The duo stand back to back now, in a circle of light surrounded by a nightmarish darkness full of glowing eyes, piercing claws, and scuttling shadow-bodies. Their weapons are a mad flurry of bright sparks as they fell the desperate, half-crazed people who rush to the quickly fading brightness in a desperate attempt to escape their fate. And soon the ground around their feet is awash in blood.

Axel's laughing now, a harsh, loud cackle that some remote part of his brain recognizes as mad, but that isn't the part that's in control now. All he cares about now is making sure no one but him and Roxas leave this place alive. He relishes seeing the expressions on the faces of those he slaughters, eyes wide in shock and horror, mouths open in permanent screams. He can't get enough of the sound his chakram make as they slice through flesh, through muscle, and split bone clear in two. The sight of the dark crimson blood spilling out around him makes Axel forget, if only for a little while, about the aching silence in his chest, the incredible weight that's caused by something that isn't even there.

A man runs towards him, one hand outstretched as if to grasp Axel's cloak, the other clutching the hand of a young woman, dragging her close behind him. Lips bared in a huge smirk, Axel expertly tosses a chakram so that it swings around in a wide arc, chopping the man's head clean off. His body stops short and falls to the ground, arms and legs twitching weakly, as the head rolls to a stop near Axel's feet. Disgusted, the redhead kicks it away to be ravaged by the darkness.

The woman he was holding has grown pale. She's screaming now, falling to her knees beside the man's corpse, tears flowing down her face. Axel, growing slightly bored now with these people, flicks his wrist and sets her aflame. He loves the way her body convulses as she burns, and the incredible octaves her voice can reach. Axel watches, poison-green eyes intent and unblinking, until the woman is nothing but dust and bones and the fire burns itself out. He relishes the scent of burning for a few seconds longer before glancing over his shoulder at Roxas, yelling, "You OK there, buddy?"

"Fine." Unlike Axel, Roxas doesn't seem to enjoy these missions. He doesn't laugh, throwing the hood of his cloak back with wild abandon like Axel does. He doesn't play with his victims or use elaborate theatrics. Instead, he stands in his typical battle stance, hood pulled low over his head. Axel can't see his face, but he knows from experience that Roxas' mouth is set in a thin line, his sky-ocean blue eyes intent and focused. His Keyblades move with the minimal force needed to kill someone, and he doesn't make a sound as he does so.

The redhead can't help but watch as Oblivion slashes down across a woman's breast, exposing her heart, which beats only a few seconds more before floating out of her corpse and up into the black sky. Axel doesn't like exposing people's hearts when he kills them; it only serves to remind him further of this essential thing that he lacks. But his blond companion seems to have a sort of morbid fascination with the organ. The bodies around him all have wounds to the chest, and this is far from the first time Roxas has used this particular method of killing.

A young girl runs at them, and Axel decides to watch Roxas a moment more. There are very few people left now…in fact, this girl is the only one near them right now. He can afford to take a few seconds to watch Roxas kill, something he's always found intensely fascinating. The girl can't be more than five or six, with tangled brown braids around her head and huge violet eyes screwed up and red from crying. She's barefoot, wearing nothing but a dirty, torn dress. Axel wonders briefly what happened to her parents-if the Heartless got them, or if they met their end with him and Roxas.

The girl trips, then, seemingly over nothing, and falls face-first at Roxas' feet. Oddly enough the ground does not muffle her cries…On the contrary, Axel thinks he can now hear each little high-pitched shriek and sob even more clearly than before now that she has fallen.

Oathkeeper moves down in a blazing white arc, right at the girl's head.

"Please, mister…please…" the little girl sobs, reaching out one pale, skinny hand and grasping Roxas around the ankle. "I want my mommy…"

Oathkeeper stops just above the girl's braids.

Axel almost can't believe what he's seeing. He's sure his eyes look like they're popping out of his head. Roxas' face is inscrutable as always beneath the hood, and Axel would give his non-life to know what the boy is thinking right now. There have always been kids on the Worlds they're sent to destroy, and Roxas has always killed them before without any hesitation. So what makes this little scrap of a girl any different?

Axel can't help but notice the Heartless edging closer. Their circle of light is fading fast, and they need to leave now if they don't want to be trapped on the remains of a dead World forever. "Roxas, c'mon," Axel hisses, nudging the blond's shoulder. "Just do it already."

"Please help me," the little girl cries, and Roxas lowers Oathkeeper to his side.

"Roxas!" Axel yells out of exasperation. "It's just a kid; you've done this a million times now. We gotta go!"

"Axel…" the blond whispers, so softly Axel almost doesn't hear him over the loud scuttling sound of the Heartless drawing steadily closer. "I-"

Roxas is looking at the girl, and he doesn't see the lone Shadow Heartless leap at them from among the mass of darkness. But Axel does, and he quickly pulls the boy away, holding him close to his side and moving back as the Shadow plunges its claws into the girl's back. It rips out her shimmering Heart and devours it whole in only a second, and the girl is no more.

Axel holds his hand out and almost sighs in relief when the familiar tendrils of Darkness appear, pushing out at what's left of the World's fabric and creating a Dark Portal. The redhead shoves Roxas through and follows himself a second later, just as the World collapses in on itself and ceases to exist forevermore.

**

* * *

**

Axel can't seem to get the incident between Roxas and the girl out of his head. At night his dreams are haunted by sobbing, violet-eyed little girls, of the whipping, tearing noises Keyblades and chakram make as they rip through flesh. During the day, as he spars with Roxas to pass the time between missions, he can't help but think of Oathkeeper lowering away from the girl's head every time Roxas swings the white Keyblade. This inattentiveness causes him quite a few good bruises from the blond, who is not known for mercy in battle, even with Axel.

Perhaps this is why Axel is so confused. The young Keyblade Wielder has proven himself a ruthless fighter time and time again, which is one of the reasons why he's risen to such favor with Xemnas. So why did he suddenly spare the life of a little girl, someone of no consequence to anybody, least of all himself?

Axel desperately needs to know the answer to this question, but he can't ask Roxas outright. No matter how close the two have become, Roxas isn't the kind of person who simply hands out information. So Axel watches the boy, silently and out of the corner of his eyes, so that he will take no notice.

After a week of this quiet observation, Axel comes to a startling conclusion.

Roxas, like his Somebody Sora, is a hero.

The blond stays behind in the library one evening to help Zexion organize his books, a task that would cause even the most patient of men to go mad within seconds due to the illusionist's obsessive-compulsive disorder. When he spars with some of the other neophytes who are not as skilled as he is in combat, he will occasionally let them win just so they can say they've had a victory. He's the only Organization member who makes an effort not to fall asleep when Xemnas drones on in meetings (though he nods off eventually, just like the rest of them do). And he's the only one who doesn't throw things at Demyx's door and curse at him to stop playing his sitar at two in the morning.

With Axel, Roxas is actually affectionate. With the other members Roxas is sullen and quiet, never making eye contact, only speaking when spoken to, and usually keeping his hood up. Around Axel, Roxas laughs and smiles, holding conversations and really and truly coming out of his shell. When they kiss, Axel feels a spark he's never felt with any other Organization member he's been with before. Roxas cuddles up to him on the couch in the library when no one is around, or in the bedroom at night, and allows the redhead to stroke his soft honey-blond hair. In bed, Roxas gives Axel all he can ever want and more. The pyromaniac doesn't need to fight for what he needs, as he knows the other Nobodies who bed each other do. And Roxas never lets Axel win in a sparring match. The redhead would know if he did, and Roxas respects him too much to allow him an easy victory.

After Axel has come to this realization, he understands that these little demonstrations of kindness Roxas shows towards the rest of the Organization are the remnants of Sora's heroic nature. And what he gives to Axel is more than this…the echo of the emotion of love.

Axel sees now that Roxas doesn't really fit with the rest of the Organization. It's obvious, in the small things the blond does-how quiet he is when he speaks to the other Organization members, how his eyes and mouth always harden almost imperceptibly whenever Xemnas assigns them a particularly brutal mission. And when he spars against any of the Original Six, the ones who willingly gave their hearts to Darkness, his fury seems almost like another, third weapon that he hurls against them along with his Keyblades.

Roxas could not kill the girl on that dying World because she was an innocent. Axel knows well from watching Sora at Castle Oblivion that heroes don't ever hurt innocent people. All the other people Roxas killed, even the other children, were older. They'd all committed sins, no matter how small, and so Roxas was able to use that to push aside his innate heroism and kill, even though it must have hurt him inside to do so. But the girl…she'd done nothing, at such a young age. She'd begged him for help. And a hero cannot ever refuse a request for help.

Axel is worried by his new knowledge. He knows full well he and the rest of the Organization are villains, and are bad to the very core. They've done all sorts of horrible crimes without so much as batting an eye. He wonders if Roxas can actually stay with a person such as him.

But then Roxas will pull him down for a kiss, or touch his hand, or drop his head into his lap. And the redhead smiles and relaxes at how right it feels, how good. He feels complete when he's with the blond Keyblade Wielder, for the first time in many years. So he thinks that Roxas might actually _need_ a villain like him, as balance. Just like he needs Roxas.

Then Roxas leaves.

And Axel changes his mind about the boy's being a hero.

Heroes aren't supposed to leave anyone behind.

**Author's Note****: I'm actually really proud of this story. I don't know why I always love the really angsty, depressing, weird, disturbing stuff I write the most, but I do. I hope I haven't scarred anyone for life too badly.**

**Please review! I love it that you guys are Alerting and Favoriting this story, but I'd still love to hear what you think. **

**REVIEW CORNER**** Thanks for Reviewing: **moon maiden of time, mizu-chanX3, Dlbn

**Til next time…**

**~LWD~**


	4. Trouble Brewing

**Author's Note****: I'm still not sure why most of these drabbles have turned out to be dark and angsty so far. I think it's because I tend to write darker pieces in general if I'm doing one-shots or drabbles. Oh well. There will be fluff and humor eventually!**

**WARNING:**** Slight "358/2 Days" references in this one.. No spoilers, just in case a few people reading this haven't played the game yet, and Xion doesn't show up. (I'm pretty sure everyone knows by now that Axel's Other's name was Lea, so that isn't a spoiler.) So no worries. (I finished "358/2 Days" last month, and it STOLE MY BRAIN. I think I'll end up writing some Axel/Roxas/Xion drabbles after I finish up this series.)**

**DISCLAIMER****: I certainly don't own "Kingdom Hearts." By this point, "Kingdom Hearts," and its creators: Tetsuya Nomura, Square Enix, and Disney, Inc. own me. O.O**

**DEDICATION: The idea for this story was prompted by the latest challenge from the livejournal community** kh_drabble**: "Here Comes Trouble." Therefore, this one is for all the lovely writers in that community who kept me up past midnight last night reading their stuff. You guys rock!**

**OK, I'm done now. Story time!**

_Equipoise (n): 1) An equal distribution of weight, equal balance, equilibrium. 2) A counterpoise._

**Trouble Brewing**

**o4. Roxas attracts trouble, Axel plays it safe.**

He should have known that Number XIII would be trouble the second he saw the boy walking into the Castle after Xemnas. It was something in his eyes, such an odd and beautiful shade of blue-darker than the sky, yet lighter than the ocean. It's a look of defiance, of a coming storm that's strong enough to sweep them all away and leave nothing left. That rebellious gaze, so different from the eleven pairs of dead eyes reflecting fake emotions all around him, causes a shudder to run down Axel's spine when their eyes meet.

He finds himself drawn to Roxas, going out on missions with him more often than with any of the other Organization members. They talk about all sorts of things together, like _how can sea salt ice cream be salty and sweet at the same time?_ And _why is the sun always setting over Twilight Town and nowhere else?_ Or _Hey Axel, why was Larxene beating Xigbar over the head for stealing her tampons?_

Roxas displays reactions that are almost like emotions when Axel talks to him. He gets confused sometimes, looking at Axel with big eyes that ask him to explain what he's talking about more clearly. Or he'll get sad, looking off into the horizon from the clock tower above Twilight Town some evenings with a firm set to his jaw. (Axel hates those evenings, because it means that Roxas is quiet, and he can't stand the quiet.) He has the most adorable pout when he's angry, so sometimes Axel will rile him up on purpose just to see it. Roxas even gets embarrassed, a pink flush suffusing his cheeks and honey blond bangs falling down to hide his face (such as when Axel attempted to explain the whole "tampon incident.")

Roxas makes Axel feel like he has a heart. Axel feels human when he's with the young Keyblade Wielder, instead of like a dried-out husk drifting aimlessly through its days, existing simply to continue its own existence. He laughs now-genuinely laughs for the first time since he was Lea, while eating ice cream with Roxas up on the Twilight Town clock tower.

Roxas seems to stir up strange passions in the other Nobodies as well. Demyx, for example, plays odd melodies on his sitar whenever Roxas is nearby…haunting, beautiful tunes that seem to echo of a time and place long dead and gone. The blond boy isn't subject to the usual tortures Larxene visits on the other members, either. Whenever the sadistic woman approached him, a spark dancing in her electric blue eyes that promised imminent pain and misery on whoever she ran across next, Roxas would simply stare at her with that look in his eyes. And a change will come across Larxene's face, almost as if, for a moment, she realizes what it is she's doing and is sorry for it. But then her face is schooled back into its usual angry mask, and she'll stalk off to take out her anger twofold on whomever she runs across next.

It wasn't until he saw Roxas being shoved up against the wall in the Gray Room by Saix, though, that Axel realized the full impact of what Roxas does to those around him. "Insubordination," Saix was hissing into Roxas' ear as Axel walks in. "When I tell you to leave on a mission, you leave immediately, you little bastard…"

"I was only going to get an extra Potion!" Roxas protested, trying to push Saix off of him. In response, the blue-haired man tightens his grip on the blond's forearms, causing Roxas to yelp in pain.

The cry causes Axel to rush forward, grabbing Saix's shoulders and whirling him around to face him. He sees the anger and rage in the Berserker's golden eyes, and his own emerald ones widen in surprise at how it fades away to blankness only seconds after turning him away from Roxas. "What…?" Saix mutters, straightening and rubbing at his head. "Strange…for a moment there…I felt so angry…" He tosses a cursory "Get moving," over his shoulder at Roxas, then walks off, still muttering to himself.

"Thanks, Axel," Roxas murmurs, straightening up and dusting off his black cloak. "I was starting to get worried…I don't know what Saix's deal is, I really was only going to my room to get an extra Potion." Then the blond Keyblade Wielder hugs Axel-a tight, quick embrace-before summoning a Dark Portal and heading out.

Axel stands there for a moment, stunned, the feel of Roxas' arms around him still lingering across his body. He feels warm inside, and he knows it isn't related to his fire-wielding abilities at all. It's as if, while lounging around on a couch on a cloudy day, a stray beam of sunlight happened to fall through the window onto his face, reminding him of hope and joy and all the things he thought he'd forgotten completely after all these years.

That's when he knows that Roxas is more to him than just someone to eat ice cream with. Roxas is so much, much more than that.

So Axel starts to keep an eye on Roxas in the Castle as well as on missions. A part of his mind tells him he's only a step away from becoming an obsessive, creepy stalker, but Axel pushes that part down, since he doesn't care and it doesn't seem like Roxas does either. The redhead's there to diffuse the tension between Roxas and the other members, cracking lame jokes and putting a gentle hand on Roxas' shoulder to calm him, and if need be, lead him away from a dangerous situation.

This system works out well for a while. But then something happens. Axel's not sure what it is, but Roxas seems to be getting awfully curious about who his Somebody is. He keeps asking Axel the oddest questions, about Hearts and whether or not he thinks they'll ever get theirs back. Or about what exactly happens to a Somebody when a Nobody is created. And during meetings, as Xemnas goes on and on about their glorious Kingdom Hearts and how close it is to completion, Axel notices that Roxas' eyes grow cold and his jaw tightens, as if he's restraining himself from crying out.

One evening, up on the clock tower as usual, Roxas turns to Axel, taking one of his black-gloved hands in his own and leaning into him for warmth. Axel tries not to betray how nice it feels to have the younger boy so close to him. "Axel," Roxas says, so quietly that the redhead thinks he wouldn't have heard at all if the blond wasn't so close, "you know who my Somebody is, don't you?"

Axel doesn't know what to say to Roxas. He's been expressly forbidden, by no less than the Superior himself, from telling Roxas anything about his previous life. And he's seen what happens to Nobodies who don't obey orders…enough so that he knows to keep his head down and his nose to the grindstone, lest the same happen to him as well.

"Answer the question, Axel." Roxas nudges up against his chest, annoyed.

The taller man sighs loudly. "Roxas, I can't."

"Why? Why can't you?" Roxas pushes away from him, glaring at Axel with enough force to kill an elephant. "You never answer any of my questions! It's always _'I don't really know, Roxas,'_ or _'Don't ask that question, you'll get turned into a Dusk.'_ Why are you always playing it safe, huh?"

And Axel is shocked, really shocked, for the first time since Roxas has shown up by something the boy has said. He's sure his mouth is hanging open, but he can't bring himself to close it right now. Because everything Roxas says is true.

Vexen's getting just a bit too annoying? Burn him at the stake.

Zexion's digging a little too deeply into matters that don't concern him? Off with his head, then.

Marluxia and Larxene are getting too powerful for their own good? Then they'll have to go, too.

And by all means, stay quiet around the other Nobodies and do everything they tell you to, no matter how despicable it is. Don't draw attention to yourself, and maybe, just maybe, you'll live long enough to get your heart back.

Axel's always thought of himself as a bit of a rebel, as the black sheep of the Organization. But looking back on it now, he's just been their pet all along. The thought disgusts him, but overriding that disgust is an immense desire to get his heart back. Now that Roxas is here, Axel wants it more than ever before.

"Roxas, please," he hears himself saying. "If you keep asking questions and sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, something bad will happen."

"Like what?!" Roxas practically yells, yanking his hand sharply out of Axel's. "I wanna know! I have a _right_ to know."

That look is back in the Keyblade Wielder's eyes, now…the very look that drew Axel to him in the first place. The look of defiance, of rebelling against everyone and everything that says he doesn't have a place in this world. A look promising a storm, coming ever closer.

Axel finds himself leaning slightly away from the boy, now. Because when that storm comes…he has a feeling he's not going to survive it.

**Author's Note****: I just love finding places to put Roxas' in-game lines in my stories. I think it makes them more awesome.**

**I was surprised, when playing "358/2 Days," by just how much Axel listens to what the Organization tells him. He really doesn't leave until after Roxas has merged with Sora, and in that iconic cutscene in KH II, tries to discourage Roxas from leaving. He's also the last of the Axel/Roxas/Xion trio to abandon the Organization. And-TINY SPOILER ALERT-it's kind of his fault Roxas leaves in the first place. :P So although most people don't automatically think of Axel as someone who "plays it safe," that's what he's really doing for much of when we see him.**

**REVIEW CORNER**** Thanks for Reviewing: **New Light**, **moon maiden of time

**TTFN,**

**~LWD~**


	5. Regrets

**Author's Note****: Urrgh, I don't even wanna know how long it's been since this thing was last updated…I remember thinking back in August when I started "Equipoise" that it was probably going to be over and done with by Christmas. Now I think I'll be lucky if these drabbles are finished by **_**next**_** Christmas. In the words of **the .israel .project .107**: "I likes me some masochism, I does."**

**This drabble is my response to the (now long since over) LiveJournal challenge in kh_drabble: "Apology." I wanted to write something for a more recent challenge, but this plot bunny just insisted on being written. And at the end of the day, I just do what the plot bunnies tell me to, really. ;D**

**DISCLAIMER****: "Kingdom Hearts" belongs to Tetsuya Nomura, Squeenix, and Disney, Inc. I own nothing and make no money off of writing these drabbles. Got it memorized?**

**NOTES****: Remember when I said these drabbles wouldn't be "358/2 Days" compliant? Well, I'm going back on that (sorry) and making some of these next few drabbles compliant with "358/2 Days." I figure the game's been out long enough that nothing I put in here is a spoiler anymore, but just in case, I'll tell you when a drabble has content from that game in it. This drabble has content from "358/2 Days" in it.**

**DEDICATION****: To everyone I wish I'd said I'm sorry to.**

**OK, I'm done blabbing now. On with the show!**

_Equipoise (n): 1) An equal distribution of weight, equal balance, equilibrium. 2) A counterpoise._

**Regrets**

**o5: Roxas has no regrets, Axel has many of them.**

The night after the Struggle Tournament was one of the longest Roxas could remember having. He'd placed first that day, and he had the gleaming trophy and winner's belt displayed proudly on his bedside table as proof of that. And oh, had it felt good to win! Roxas didn't think he'd ever forget the look on Seifer's face as

_("Thrash him," Seifer said, sporting some nasty-looking bruises on his face and upper arms, storming off after having been defeated by Vivi, a member of his own gang, who should have been too small and too loyal to do that much damage.)_

he lay defeated on the ground, finally bested. He'd never be able to live that loss down. And if Roxas knew Hayner at all, Seifer would be reminded of it every day for the rest of his life.

And he, Roxas, had actually defeated the Struggle champion Setzer. He could hardly believe it himself. Roxas had taken great pleasure in wiping that smug look off Setzer's face as they fought. The silver-haired man had held his Struggle bat confidently, certain that this would be a quick match. His smugness had quickly turned to anger that Roxas was actually defeating him, laying blows at every place Setzer was forgetting to cover, as if he'd been Struggling his whole life instead of just the past few (years? He couldn't remember now) driving Setzer back and scooping up the orbs he was dropping by the handful.

_("Whatever you think is right…you're wrong.")_

Setzer's face had been priceless after he'd gone down. He stumbled out of the Sandlot in exhaustion, staring at Roxas in disbelief as he left. He couldn't seem to understand how this teenage boy had actually defeated him.

Hell, even Roxas himself didn't even know how he'd done it. It had just felt so natural that after awhile he'd sort of blanked out and let his body do the fighting for him. Then before Roxas had known it, he was the hero of the town. Everyone was talking about his victories, dissecting them and elaborating on them over and over, as they would for the next few days until school started up again. The people Roxas passed on the street wouldn't hesitate to give him a pat on the back, a smile, a wink, a handshake…maybe even a hug from some of the younger kids. Everyone would want to congratulate their newest Struggling champion.

Winning Twilight Town's coveted Struggle Tournament trophy was supposed to be the best day of Roxas's life…well, of his summer vacation, anyway. The problem was, all of Twilight Town, including Hayner, Pence, and Olette, could only remember the Struggle Tournament and not

_(Vivi giggling evilly and turning into one of those strange, twisting white monsters that looped around the air above his head before lashing out in a killing strike)_

_(The harsh swirl of bright green numbers in his hand, quickly solidifying into that mysterious Keyblade)_

_(Everyone in the town freezing, turning into statues of spectators with mouths open and hands thrown into the air as reality itself swirled around them, making Roxas feel dizzy and sick)_

_("Hayner! Pence! Olette!")_

anything else that had happened. No one had gone up to him and said, "Hey Roxas, don't you think it was weird that at the Struggle thing today, you got attacked by white things that looked like ghosts and everybody suddenly stopped moving?"

It even sounded strange in his head. So Roxas hadn't mentioned it to anybody, not even his friends. He didn't want to give them any more reasons to doubt his mental sanity. Not after all the stolen pictures had ended up having him in them. And of course not after the guy in the hooded black coat, the one that only Roxas could see. That bastard had stolen his munny pouch.

And speaking of mysterious guys in hooded black coats, there was the man at the Struggle Tournament today, the one Roxas had fought before Setzer. He'd been wearing a coat identical to the munny thief's.

_("Roxas. All right. Fight fight fight.")_

Sighing, Roxas sat up in his bed, absentmindedly running his hand through his spiky, honey blond hair in a futile attempt to make it look neat. He'd been tossing and turning for an hour now, and it didn't look like sleep was coming anytime soon. Roxas wasn't even sure he wanted to sleep. He would only be tormented by more dreams of that boy with the spiky brown hair, baggy red pants, and ridiculous yellow shoes who looked eerily similar to him. The dreams would start up and then end abruptly halfway through, giving them a faded, fuzzy quality like bad TV reception. Roxas was heartily sick of them, and kept hoping that they would go away soon.

There was a sudden whoosh of frigid air inside Roxas's room. The blond shivered and continued to sit and think about the Struggle Tournament for a minute before remembering that it was summertime, and the air wasn't supposed to be cold for a few more weeks yet. He looked up, ocean blue eyes narrowing slightly as he looked around his room for the source of the sudden draft.

There was a man standing there, only a few feet away from him by the door. He wasn't moving, wasn't doing anything threatening. He didn't even look like he had a weapon with him. He was only standing there, staring at Roxas.

Roxas's first urge was to shout for help, but then he remembered that his parents weren't home. (Actually, he thought briefly before focusing on the more important matter of the stranger in his room, when was the last time his parents had been home?) No matter how loud he yelled, no one could hear him. In shock, Roxas could only sit there, staring at the stranger whose face was half-hidden in the shadows of his bedroom.

Then he moved forward, into the slanting moonbeams filtering through Roxas's curtains.

And Roxas suddenly knew who he was.

_("You really_ don't _remember, do you? Talk about blank with a capital B. Man oh man, even the Dusks aren't gonna crack this one.")_

Eyes greener than any leaf on any tree Roxas had ever seen before, staring straight at him without ever blinking or wavering in the slightest. Tiny black tattoos underneath, like teardrops, stark against pale skin. Hair a bright scarlet, though it couldn't be seen in the dark, and sticking up in long, wild spikes, as if the man's very head was aflame. Thin lips, a pointed face, and an incredibly thin body covered by a hooded black coat.

_("This world is his creation, right? Which means we don't have time for a Q & A. You're coming with me, conscious or not.")_

It was the same man who had confronted Roxas today at the Struggle Tournament.

"G-Get away from me!" Roxas hissed, suddenly finding his voice and scooting backwards onto his pillows. "What the fuck are you doing in my room?! How the hell did you even get in here? Last I checked, the window and door in here are locked!"

The stranger smirked humorlessly and sat down at the edge of Roxas's bed. "You still don't remember me, Roxas? Me, Axel? You had it memorized, once."

"Don't come any closer! I'll scream! I'll call the police, I swear I will!"

"No, you won't." Roxas hated the way Axel said it. He was so assured, so certain that Roxas wasn't going to get any help. It bordered on the edge of that smug superiority the blond teen hated in other people.

"How do you know?" He shot back.

"You would have done it already, Rox. You would've screamed and tried to run the second you saw me if you really wanted me gone. Since you didn't do that, I assume you either want a rematch, or you want me to stay."

Roxas opened his mouth, then shut it again. Unfortunately, Axel was right. Ever since he'd first spoken to Roxas, the blond had known that Axel knew something about him, something he didn't know. And Roxas would have been willing to bet a billion munny that it had to do with all the strange things that had been going on lately. He wanted to know what was happening to him, and right now Axel was his key to finding out.

"Roxas," Axel said, looking straight into Roxas's eyes. "I'm sorry. I know you don't remember anything, but I want to apologize anyway."

"Wh-What?" Roxas whispered after a few minutes. He'd been expecting Axel to come clean and start telling him about the strange white monsters, the Keyblade, and everything else that had happened. He certainly hadn't been expecting an apology. But Axel held up a hand to stop Roxas from talking and went on.

"I'm sorry about damn near everything that happened back in the World That Never Was." Axel laughed, the bitter, broken laugh of a man who has lost everything and has nothing left to keep going for. "I'm sorry that I complained about 'babysitting' you when we first started going on missions together. I never minded teaching you the ropes. It was actually kind of cool, getting to teach something to the new guy. I was never considered responsible enough to teach before."

As Axel spoke, Roxas had a flash of…well, not memory; it was too brief to be that. It was a two-second whirlwind of light, color, and sound which left him confused and wanting more. In this case, he saw a monochrome castle, floating against an empty black sky. He was standing in a room where the only color was grey, a few couches and low tables thrown haphazardly about-

"I'm sorry I never told you about Castle Oblivion until right before I left, and I'm sorry for everything I did while I was there. So very sorry." Axel looked down at the bedspread for a moment and shook his head before meeting Roxas's gaze once more. "I know what I did at Castle Oblivion has nothing to do with you, but you were the one who made me realize that I hurt a lot of people there. Besides…it's not like there's anyone else I can apologize to about that."

Roxas is standing at the end of a hallway that's such a stark white it hurts his eyes to look at it. At the other end is a tall marble door, flanked by columns and marble flowerpots. After only a few seconds, however, his head feels as if it's splitting open with the most excruciating pain he's ever felt, and he drops to his knees, clutching his skull and screaming-

"I'm sorry I spent so much time listening to Saix. He was wrong, he'd been wrong for a very long time, especially about you, but I couldn't understand that. I was still seeing the guy I knew…before. But that guy's gone now, and he's been gone for a long time. All that's left now is a shell, and that shell got real power-hungry real fast. Saix was willing to do anything to get to the top, even if it meant that he had to use you to get to me."

Roxas sees Axel standing next to a man with long blue hair and a vicious, X-shaped scar running across his face. The man turns to glare at him, golden eyes searing right to his core-

"But most of all, I'm sorry that I never told you the truth about your Somebody. I'm sorry I lied to you when you came to me for answers. If I'd been straight with you from the start, you might never have left…or maybe you'd only have left sooner, I don't know. But I can't help myself from thinking that it's my fault you're gone now, my fault you're in this mess and I can't help you. Of all my regrets, I regret that most of all."

Roxas is walking down a street in a dead, dark city, where the only light comes from some flickering neon signs in the broken windows of the skyscrapers. Rain is pouring down in sheets around him, turning everything slick and hazy. He's moving steadily, putting each foot forward with a firm purpose in mind. Only he doesn't know what that purpose was now. Axel's there, saying something to him. He looks desperate, there's a wild gleam in his eyes…but Roxas can't make out his words-

"I'm sorry I didn't come with you," Axel murmurs. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

Roxas sees himself fighting against a man in a hooded black coat, his face hidden. His white Keyblade strikes his opponent's black one again and again, sparks flying from the relentless barrage. The man falls on his back, his weapon spinning away, and looks up-

"And I'm sorry I never told you…that you make me feel alive." With this Axel leaned forward and kissed Roxas, gently and tenderly, on the forehead.

"Axel," Roxas said hoarsely, eyes wide from these mental scenes that are too incredible to be from his own mundane life. "Who am I?"

Axel smiled sadly. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Besides, I think it's a bit too late for that now."

Roxas doesn't ask again. Something in Axel's eyes tells him that no amount of questioning, pleading, or threatening will get the redhead to answer his questions. Besides, a part of him isn't really sure he wants to know, not now.

"Will you come back with me?" Axel asks, extending a gloved hand. "I was ordered to bring you back, after all…"

Roxas shook his head. Something inside tells him that wherever this man wants to go with him, it won't end well. Roxas doesn't want to end up trapped somewhere where he can never return to Twilight Town and see his friends again. Besides, the one thing he's certain of, despite not knowing what the _hell_ Axel is talking about, is that he didn't want to be at whatever place Axel's trying to take him back to. And he doesn't regret leaving it. Not one bit.

Axel nodded, smiling sadly. "Okay. I'll try again tomorrow then, when we're both not tired. Besides, I'm sure DiZ'll be trying to kick me out of here at any moment, seeing as how I hacked into here twice in one day. I'm surprised we had this much time together."

Roxas doesn't know what Axel means by "hacking", but before he can ask him about it, the redhead holds out his hand in the air, concentrating on an empty spot in front of him. A few seconds later, blackish-purple tendrils swirl up out of the floor, coming together and pushing out at the very air itself to create a swirling hole out of nothing. Axel stands and walks into it, and the hole vanishes behind him. Roxas's room is once again dark and empty, as if no one was ever there at all.

Roxas doesn't feel at all tired after Axel leaves, and in fact he intends to simply sit awake and contemplate this late-night meeting until daytime comes. But somehow he finds his eyelids becoming heavier and heavier, until he falls backward on the mattress into unconsciousness.

As the blond slumbers, again dreaming of a boy much like him wielding a gleaming silver and gold Keyblade, his memories are sorted through by a girl in a white dress in a white room in an old, decrepit mansion. Anything that occurred which might unsettle Roxas, anything that could cause him to question his current life and try to leave Twilight Town, is erased in a sketchbook with crayons of honey and scarlet, ocean blue and poison green.

When Roxas wakes up the next morning, he remembers nothing of the previous night. He merely gets dressed, eats a quick breakfast, and goes out to meet his friends at the Usual Spot. Just like he does every day.

He has no idea why the name "Axel" lingers on his tongue and around his mind.

_Restoration at…72 percent…_

**Author's Note****: And so it is finished! I think this series is starting to become a parade of angst bunnies here. I keep promising fluff eventually, but I can't seem to find my fluff plot bunnies… -looks under couch cushions- Nope, not there!**

**This story was also chock full of as many in-game quotes I could dig up, making it…awesome? Ultra-canon? Weird? Annoying? Tell me in a review please, while I look for my fluff plot bunnies! (They aren't in my closet, either!)**

**REVIEW CORNER**** Thanks for Reviewing: **Dlbn, XIII Anonymous, NinjaSheik, moon maiden of time

**Until next time…**

**~LWD~**


	6. Devil Inside

**Author's Note****: I don't even wanna think about how long it's been since this was last updated. O.o Much thanks to anyone reviewing and/or watching this story-it's been far too long, and I very much appreciate your patience! I'll try not to leave this story so long without an update in the future… ^^'''**

**The inspiration for this little tale comes from one of the latest prompts on the LJ community **kh_drabble**: "Ephemeral." I haven't posted this Fic on LJ, though, as it goes way over the word limit they set on drabbles over there. Still, I'd suggest checking that community out, if you haven't already. They've got some great quality stuff, even if it's short, and I'll probably be using their prompts more often in the future.**

**WARNINGS****: Language, some graphic descriptions. And spoilers for "358/2 Days" ahoy! Also, lines yoinked from the game are lines yoinked from the game, and I've pulled lines from KH II and "358/2 Days" this time. I'm shameless. ^^**

**DISCLAMER****: I'm sure all the characters of "Kingdom Hearts" are very, very relieved that their video game belongs to Square Enix, Tetsuya Nomura, and Disney, Inc., instead of me. Oh, the things I'd do if I owned "Kingdom Hearts…" Suffice to say, there'd be a lot of nudity. ^^**

**NOTES****: Oh look, Saix and Xion wormed their way into this one. Gee, I wonder how that happened. O.O **

**OK, I'm done babbling. On with the story!**

...

_Equipoise (n): 1) An equal distribution of weight, equal balance, equilibrium. 2) A counterpoise._

...

**o6. Roxas has a soul, Axel doesn't. **

...

"You can't turn on the Organization! They'll destroy you!"

"No one would miss me."

"That's not true…I would."

But Roxas either didn't hear Axel's plead-the closest he'd gotten to begging in at least a decade, oh how the mighty have fallen- or he didn't care. The younger Nobody rounded the corner and vanished in the thick haze of rain that seemed determined to drown the Dark City that night.

Axel stared after his best friend, the rain plastering his coat to his body and causing his normally gravity-defying hair to droop. There was an ache in his empty chest cavity as if he'd lost his heart all over again.

* * *

Axel flopped down onto his bed, not even bothering to change out of his wet Organization uniform. Normally, looking and feeling like a wet cat was not a thing he encouraged, as it made summoning fire quite difficult. However, these were hardly normal circumstances. Right now, Axel didn't want to move for the rest of eternity.

Roxas was gone. _Roxas was gone_. First Xion had run off, going on about "becoming one with Sora" and "finding out who she really was." Now Roxas was out looking for his Somebody, too. Axel snorted, not understanding his friends' motives. Didn't they want hearts of their own? Wouldn't they rather be their own people, be _whole_, instead of becoming permanently attached to someone else?

When Xion had first left the Organization a few weeks ago, Axel had assumed she'd come to her senses soon enough and return to the Organization's protective fold. And she had, even if he'd had to knock her out and drag her back himself. Still, Axel thought things were back to normal between the three of them. Only a few days ago, they were all enjoying sea salt ice cream together atop the Twilight Town clock tower, just like they always did after a long, hard day of busting their asses for Xemnas.

Now…now they were both gone. He'd been such an idiot, thinking those lazy evenings of sunsets and ice cream would last forever.

Axel would probably be the one sent out to retrieve them, too. Then Roxas and Xion would both be punished for daring to try and leave the Organization in the first place. Saix would probably be the one to dish it out, the sick fuck.

And Roxas, the one who made him feel like he actually had a heart, who made him feel _alive_ again after gods knew how many years…Axel didn't know if he could stand seeing Roxas get hurt.

The door to his room swung open, and Axel sat straight up on the bed, sharp green eyes narrowing, hands out and ready to summon his chakrams.

Saix stepped in, fixing Axel with uncanny, animal-like golden eyes. As usual, his expression was impossible to read. The redhead gritted his teeth, his muscles tensing for a fight. If there was ever a time when he wasn't in the mood for Saix's bullshit… "What the hell do you want?" He spat out.

* * *

Some days, Axel wondered how he'd managed to entertain himself before Roxas came along. The way Roxas spoke and the expressions that passed across his face as the two of them talked was almost like that of a person with real emotions. If Axel hadn't been there on the day Roxas was first brought to the Castle That Never Was, he'd have thought they made a mistake and accidentally recruited a Somebody into the Organization's ranks. At any rate, hanging out on the clock tower with Roxas and trying to keep track of all his different "feelings" was easily ten times more entertaining than his old pastime of swapping the water in Marluxia's watering cans for weed killer.

The blond had certainly come a long way from the zombie-like state he'd been in during his first week in the Organization. Back then, Roxas had spent most of his time sleeping. When he did get up, he'd go around the Castle in a daze, his eyes glazed over, barely speaking two words to anyone he ran across. He acted exactly how, according to Xemnas, a Nobody should behave.

But just now, in the fifteen minutes they'd been up on the clock tower, Roxas had been happy to see Axel, become frustrated when telling Axel about some particularly strong Heartless on his mission that day, and then been confused because Larxene had been acting eviler than usual that morning. ("She was insulting my hair before I even walked into the Gray Area this time! I could hear her all the way down the hallway!") The confusion quickly turned into laughter when Axel then made a joke about Larxene's underwear.

Axel laughed as well (that joke had been pretty funny. He was hilarious.) "Roxas, are you sure you don't have a heart?" He asked, once they'd both calmed down. The redhead was only half-joking- he'd counted four different "emotions" coming from Roxas today. Most of the Organization couldn't be bothered to act out that many emotional variations even on a good day. (Well, maybe Demyx might, but that kid was just weird and didn't count anyway.)

Roxas looked surprised at the question. "I dunno," he said. "I can't…just look inside. But I figure that if we did have hearts…if there _were_ something there…we'd feel it, wouldn't we?"

Axel shrugged. "I guess."

The two sat in silence for awhile; that companionable sort when there is simply nothing more to be said between two people, and said people are close enough to recognize it and just enjoy each other's company. Axel relaxed in the warm, fresh evening air of Twilight Town, a welcome difference from the thick, cold, and darkness-saturated environment back at the World That Never Was. In this world, he remembered what it was like to feel light and free. He remembered what it was like to have hope.

Then Roxas turned to him, and out of the blue he asked, "Hey Axel, do you think we have souls?"

"What? Where's this coming from?"

"Well, sometimes I have certain…sensations, I guess. Inside. Here, and here." Roxas laid a gloved hand on his chest, and another over his stomach. "Like, I feel kind of unpleasant and heavy if something bad's happened. But if something good's happened, I feel nice and light inside. Like when I'm up here with you for example." He cocked his head to the side, smiling slightly in a confused and absolutely _adorable_ way. "What do you make of it, Axel?"

"Well…I dunno." Axel suddenly got a horribly disturbing image of Vexen, eyes shining with sadistic glee and one hand reaching for a scalpel, and he shook his head to clear it. "To me, it sounds like you're actually feeling emotions, like people with hearts do. But that can't be it…I mean, you don't-"

"Have a heart. Exactly," Roxas interrupted. "But I still have a soul, right? I mean, that didn't get taken by the Heartless. So I figure that I can feel things with my soul." Roxas's smile widened into a triumphant grin, like someone who's just solved the scientific problem of the century.

Axel's forehead wrinkled, the way it always did when he was trying to figure out a particularly difficult problem. What Roxas was saying actually made a good deal of sense. But it went against everything Xemnas preached and everything he believed is at a Nobody's core. Could Roxas be right?

The pair sat in silence for a while longer, Axel still deep in thought. He wondered what Saix would think if he ever brought Roxas's theory up. Perhaps the two of them could figure it out together, even though his former best friend seemed rather averse to speaking with him now. Then, all of a sudden, his view filled with spiky, honey blond hair and a pair of big eyes the color of a summer ocean. A pair of soft lips covered his own for a just a moment before pulling away.

"Sorry," Roxas blushed, rubbing the back of his head. His cheeks were flushed a deep pink. "It's just…one of the books in the library said that two people do that when they really care about each other…I kinda wanted to try it out."

Axel just sat there, unmoving, too stunned to speak. One leather-gloved hand reached up to gently touch his mouth. Just when Roxas's lips had touched his, he could have sworn he'd _felt _something, for only a second-

* * *

"So I hear our Number XIII has gone rogue," Saix said. A corner of his mouth curved upwards into the slightest of smirks. "And the puppet's gone again, as well."

Axel glared at his former friend with all the force he could muster, his teeth grinding together in fury. His fingers were positively twitching with the urge to summon his chakrams and toss them right into that bastard's smug face. He only just barely restrained himself by remembering that, unfortunately, Saix was stronger than he was, and the scarred man's weapon was a giant fucking claymore. If the redhead attacked him, the only thing that would happen would be Axel getting his skull bashed in.

"Quit playing games, Saix," Axel spat out. "If you're ordering me to go after them, then just do it. Stop with the song and dance already."

"I didn't come here with orders for you, Axel," Saix responded. "On the contrary, I have an offer, of sorts."

Axel's eyes narrowed a little further.

"You are aware, of course, of my experiments in the realms of the arcane?" Saix asked.

"Yes." Saix's Other, Isa, had shown a natural aptitude for the mystical arts, especially fortune telling. He'd been uncannily good at making predictions after "scrying," or staring for awhile into deep pools of clear water. However, after he lost his heart and became Saix, his natural talents had gone dark and twisted. Axel had long since stopped wanting to know what his old friend was up to after he'd gone into Saix's room one evening and found him sorting through the insides of a dead man.**(1) **Blood had coated the blue-haired man's hands, and spattered the walls and floor of his room. Bile rose in Axel's throat at the sight, and he'd run away down the hall fighting the urge to scream.

"During my studies," Saix continued, bringing Axel sharply out of his memories, "I came across a certain…spirit, I suppose you would call it, though it is quite difficult to describe. This spirit might be willing to strike a bargain with you. If you were to give a certain something up, it would return XIII and XIV to the Castle, safe and sound."

Axel opened his mouth to refuse…but then he shut it again. At this point, what did he have to lose? His heart was long gone, and now he'd lost the two Nobodies he cared about the most. What was left to take? Hell, anything he had to give would seem trivial if it would bring back Roxas and Xion.

"What would I have to give up?" Axel asked.

Saix smiled, showing unusually large, sharp teeth.

"Do you believe in the concept of a soul, Axel?"

* * *

Saix's room was already prepared to summon the spirit, as if he'd already known that Axel was going to agree to his proposition. The floor was covered in strange circles and markings that seemed to writhe and twist before his very eyes, and were drawn in a dark crimson that the redhead desperately hoped wasn't blood. Surrounding the circles were red and black candles that flickered eerily, illuminating words scrawled in black along the walls that were in no language Axel had ever seen before.

"So what exactly are you going to do me?" Axel asked, suspicious and lingering by the doorway. He wasn't going to back out of this, not now, not when he had the chance to see his friends again…but it still gave him a sense of comfort to stay by the exit anyway.

"I already told you," Saix said. "The spirit I've made contact with bargains with souls." In exchange for yours…" The blue-haired Nobody picked up a thick book that was so ancient the edges were crumbling away a little, and began flipping through the pages. "…it will return one of your friends to you, safe and sound."

"What!" Axel yelled. "But you said it would give me Roxas _and _Xion back!"

"It appears I was incorrect." Saix was still idly flipping through his book, disaffected by Axel's outburst. "Since you have only one soul, you can trade it for only one of your friends." He looked up and shot the taller Nobody an evil little smirk. "Unless, of course, you have multiple souls hidden away somewhere…?"

Axel cursed under his breath. "Roxas, then. I'll trade my soul for Roxas." As much as it pained him to choose between his friends, Xion was the one the Organization seemed more intent on capturing. They were probably more willing to spend time and resources going after her than Roxas. And if Roxas came back, then perhaps the two of them could convince Xion to return peacefully as well.

"All right. Roxas it is." Saix chuckled darkly. "Let's begin, shall we?" The blue-haired Nobody gently put his book away and approached his former friend. Axel couldn't help but remember what it was like to feel fear as Saix stood not six inches away from him, his lips still quirked up in that wicked smirk. A shiver ran down his spine, but he stood tall and met the other Nobody's gaze, not wanting to show his apprehension.

Then, his golden eyes shining with sadistic glee, Saix sunk his clawed hand deep into Axel's gut.

Pain exploded throughout the redhead's body, running in a white-hot stream from the top of his head all the way down to his toes. He collapsed to the ground, screaming in agony, his hands clutching at the hole in his stomach. Nothing in Axel's existence thus far had ever hurt this badly, not even when a pack of Wizard Heartless had cornered him in Traverse Town and hit him with Blizzaga spells for five whole minutes until he'd managed to escape through a Dark Portal. The closest Axel could compare it to was being a kid in back in Radiant Garden and lying in a pool of his own blood and piss as a Neoshadow clawed open his chest and stole away the heart lying within it.

He managed to raise his head enough to look up at Saix. Although his vision was clouding at the edges, Axel could see his former friend dragging a shapeless, formless _something_ from his body. The thing sparkled, catching what little light there was and refracting it like a heart did, but it had no mass. To Axel, it looked like Saix was holding mist between his claws.

With one last grunt and firm tug from Saix, and a loud cry on Axel's end, the sparkling mist-thing (his soul?) finally came free. Saix took it away and gently placed it in the center of one of the circles. Axel, overwhelmed by the pain and shock of what had just occurred, passed out.

* * *

He woke up what could have been minutes later, or hours. He didn't know, and he didn't care. All that mattered was that he was miraculously pain free. Never before had simply not being in pain been so good.

Being extra-careful to move slowly and carefully, Axel sat up and tested all of his limbs. Everything appeared to be in working order, and nothing hurt when he moved it. That was good. Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, Axel looked down at his stomach…only to see nothing. There was nothing to show that Saix, that _bastard_, had shoved his hand in him up the wrist, not even a scar. Only smooth, bare skin and a neat hole in his Organization coat and black shirt. Did that mean that the deal with the spirit had been successful? Was Roxas coming back?

Just then, Axel felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. The room felt suddenly icy cold, like the Land of Dragons in the middle of winter, and the redhead shivered. All of the candles had gone out, of course, which wasn't helping. It only made the place darker. He rubbed his arms, feeling goosebumps rising underneath his shirt. A feeling, an actual _feeling_, not just a memory, raced through his body. Axel sat up a little straighter, his every muscle tense as one of Demyx's sitar strings, and scanned the room.

_There_-in the corner, Saix was talking to somebody. No…not somebody, some_thing_. No matter how Axel shifted himself, he couldn't see who or what the creature was. Only that it didn't have a defined silhouette against the darkness like Saix. Rather, it almost seemed to blend in with the gloom, its edges shifting, staying blurry and indefinite. The only things Axel could figure out from the creature were that it was roughly Saix's height, and it gave off a tremendous aura of being dangerous and unapproachable. Without even knowing it, the redhead's back had been pressed against the wall as if he could just shift through it, without a portal, and get _away_.

Saix and whatever the hell that thing was were speaking in tones too low for Axel to figure out what they were saying. Despite the terror swirling thick in his gut and throat, he leaned forward, trying to get just a little closer. Whatever they were talking about must be important; it involved his _soul_, after all-

The creature suddenly turned and looked at him. Axel didn't know how he knew this, as it didn't have any eyes or any other facial features for him to tell by, but he just _knew_. For a moment, the full force of the thing's gaze was upon him and Axel froze where he was. That thing could have killed him right where he was, and he wouldn't have been able to lift a finger to stop it.

Then all of a sudden the thing was gone, and the terrible, body-crushing terror vanished along with it. Axel's body felt light in its wake, almost weightless, like a feather. The rest of him was as emotionless as ever.

Saix didn't even bother to look at Axel. Instead, he started going around his room and collecting the candles from the ritual. If Axel were capable of it, he would have felt white-hot fury at being treated in such a manner.

"You asshole!" The redhead spat out. "What the _hell _did you do to me? What was that thing you were talking to?"

"I had to remove your soul somehow," Saix replied, as calm and contrite as ever. "If I'd told you exactly what I was going to do beforehand, the whole process would have been much more difficult. And as for who I was speaking with…" Saix turned his head and glared at his former friend. "Who do you think it was?"

Axel frowned. So his soul now belonged to that horrible monster? "Well, when's Roxas coming back, anyway?" He asked, peering at the doorway as if expecting the blond Nobody to simply walk in. All of this would be worth it, Axel reminded himself, when his friend returned safely to the fold.

"He isn't."

Axel was silent for a few moments. He couldn't, _wouldn't_, believe he'd really heard Saix say that. "…What?" He finally managed to get out. "But-you promised-"

"I promised you nothing, Axel." The redhead didn't know how Saix could be stay so calm, when he wanted to scream and burn everything in sight until not even ashes were left. But the scarred man simply continued tidying up his room, not even sparing Axel a glance. "I offered you a chance at getting your friend back, and you accepted it. If it didn't go through, that is hardly my fault."

"But-but-" Axel sputtered. "What _happened_? The deal was that I give up my soul and Roxas comes safely back to the Castle That Never Was!"

"Apparently, the soul of a Nobody doesn't amount to much these days. The spirit I contacted said yours wasn't worth the effort of bringing back Number XIII." Saix picked up the last of the candles and put them in a bag in the corner, then turned to face Axel. "That means you will have to do it."

"Don't change the subject! What about my soul?"

"It has long gone. There's no way you'll be able to retrieve it, Axel, and it would be foolish to try." Saix's eyes seemed to bore through him in twin holes of molten gold. "Since my method failed to work, there is no other choice but to pass on Lord Xemnas's orders. Go and retrieve Numbers XIII and XIV, and don't come back until you've got at least one of them. Preferably the puppet, as it's the one we have the greater investment in. Who knows, perhaps it will still be able to absorb Sora into itself."

"You can't just order me to hunt my friends down like…like I'm some kind of dog!" Axel yelled, leaping to his feet.

"You'll find that I can, Number VIII." Saix's voice rose to speak over Axel's shouting, but still didn't lose its calm tone. "You are authorized to use whatever methods you deem necessary to bring them back, only bring them here alive. Now leave my room, take what you need for your mission, and go. You're only taking up space here."

When Axel didn't immediately leave, Saix raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you need to be reminded of the punishment meted out to those who do not follow orders, VIII?"

Still swearing, Axel turned on his heel and left the room, pausing only in the entryway to say, "You aren't human anymore. I doubt you even remember what it was like to be human…to be Isa."

Axel was halfway through a Dark Portal before the claymore Saix threw at him had a chance to make contact with his back.

* * *

By the time Axel caught up to Roxas, it was already too late. The younger Nobody had already been captured by DiZ and his cohorts and thrown into a digital simulation of Twilight Town to be reunited with Sora. His mind had been wiped clean. When Axel confronted his friend, there wasn't so much as a hint of recognition. Roxas didn't remember the Organization, the Keyblade, or even what he himself was. There was a glazed look to those big blue eyes that reminded Axel of the way the boy had acted when he'd first joined Organization XIII.

Axel chased Roxas across all the worlds the boy visited, even after he'd joined with Sora and ceased to be. But he can't help thinking that it was like a ghost chasing a ghost. After all, the redhead was even emptier now than before Roxas left, his will to go on made up purely of memories and not even the barest semblance of a feeling. He has no soul to emulate even that.

Sometimes Axel thought back to when life was simpler, when it seemed as if a bar of ice cream and sitting on a clock tower with your best friend, watching the sun go down at the end of the day, was the best thing in all the worlds. Back then, it was easy to believe that those days would last forever.

But nothing lasts forever, save for the earth and the sky.

...

**Author's Note****: Yes, Axel sold his soul to the Devil for Roxas. Aww…? Depends on how you look at it, I guess. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Not quite sure how well I got the prompt across, either, but I still don't think the story is bad, so up it goes. It's high time I got back to "Possessions" anyway.**

**(1): **…found him sorting through the insides of a dead man. **In ancient times, one method people used to tell the future was to kill a sacred animal, such as a sheep or a goat, then read the patterns its intestines made. This method was particularly used by priests in the service of royalty. To my knowledge, people were never used for this. Saix is just a mentally imbalanced sociopath. ^^**

**REVIEW CORNER**** Thanks for Reviewing: **Dlbn, Keys2theKingdom, XIIIAnonymous, NinjaSheik, moon maiden of time

**Tip your author and review!**


	7. WINNER

**Author's Note****: You know, when I started this drabble/one-shot series exactly one year ago today, I thought I'd be done by now… -_-'**

**But, anyway! It's AkuRoku Day '10, hooray! And that means "Equipoise" is getting a surprise update! Double hooray!**

**The inspiration for this story comes from yet another prompt on **kh_drabble**: "Memento." **

**WARNING:**** "358/2 Days" spoilers ahoy!**

**DISCLAMER****: I don't own "Kingdom Hearts," nor do I make any money off writing this fanfiction. "Kingdom Hearts" belongs to Tetsuya Nomura, Square Enix, and Disney, Inc. **

**OK, I'm done talking now. Story time!**

**...**

_Equipoise (n): 1) An equal distribution of weight, equal balance, equilibrium. 2) A counterpoise._

**...**

**o7. Roxas wins, Axel loses.**

Axel didn't have too many worldly possessions. Being a Nobody, he didn't even have the capacity to care about his things. Axel had nothing that wasn't useful to him in some way or another. And other than his chakrams and the clothes on his back, there was nothing he wasn'tcapable of throwing away…or even better, feeding to the ever-hungry flames at his command.

That all changed the night his best friend decided to leave Organization XIII.

Axel hadn't thought Roxas cared about anything he owned, either, other than the Keyblade. But on the night the young Nobody left, the redhead awoke from a nap to a letter on the windowsill in his bedroom, with a popsicle stick taped to it. It was an ordinary popsicle stick, the kind that normally came from a bar of sea salt ice cream, except for one small detail: It had the word "WINNER" emblazoned at one end in black ink.

According to the note Roxas left, he'd gotten the stick from a bar of sea salt ice cream when Axel had been at Castle Oblivion. It was good for a free bar of ice cream from the stand at Twilight Town, and the blond had meant to give it to Axel as a welcome home present when he got back from his mission. But between one thing and another, he'd never gotten the chance to. _"I'm going to miss you, Axel, every day," _said the end of Roxas's letter. _"I forgive you for not being able to tell me what I need to know…but that doesn't change the fact that I still need to know it. So I'm going to look for Sora, and I'm going to find out why the Keyblade chose me. I hope I see you again someday. In the meantime, don't forget me, OK?"_

The popsicle stick remained with Axel ever since, safe from harm in the innermost pocket of his leather coat. He didn't take it out very often, but when he did, it never failed to provoke a response in him. That little piece of wood caused Axel to remember such an odd mix of happiness and sorrow that he would never be able to throw it away.

First off, it reminded Axel of the part he played in Roxas's leaving the Organization. Although Axel had been under strict orders not to tell Roxas anything about Sora-or about Sora's life, or Castle Oblivion, or the Keyblade-that didn't mean the ghost of guilt still didn't plague him. He still remembered that last morning he'd spent with Roxas, and the way the two of them had argued, shouting so loudly it could be heard all the way down the hall from the Gray Area. Axel hadn't known a Nobody could be so passionate about being denied knowledge. Roxas didn't have a heart, so didn't that mean he shouldn't care about what he didn't remember? But Axel had never seen Roxas so angry before. If the redhead hadn't known better, he would have thought Roxas had truly felt anger, as opposed to only faking the emotion.

That was the last time Roxas had ever been inside the Castle That Never Was. If Axel had known, he would have left with the boy that very day. Even if Roxas had forgiven him, that still didn't mean Axel forgave himself. He saw this mistake as yet another in a long line of them, starting with joining Organization XIII in the first place.

The popsicle stick held a better memory than that of Roxas leaving, however. When Axel looked at it, he was always reminded of their little ritual. Every day after work, Axel and Roxas met atop the clock tower in Twilight Town, had a bar of sea salt ice cream, watched the sunset, and just talked about whatever-how their days had been, their missions, Castle gossip, and so on. It was a simple little tradition, and one which people with hearts probably would have taken for granted. But Axel and Roxas were Nobodies. They had nothing, and so they could take nothing for granted. This act of pretending to feel meant the world to the both of them. Later on, they pretended to love atop their clock tower as well, with touches and kisses and even sex (sex in public places was one of Axel's kinks.) And for the first time in years, Axel truly believed he and Roxas would get their hearts back. They'd run away together and live like this forever, happy and free and in real, true love. Who could ask for more?

But one of the bitterest things that the "WINNER" stick held for Axel was irony. Even though Roxas had given the stick to Axel, it only reminded Axel that Roxas had been the real winner. The blond had won the only that really mattered in a Nobody's existence: a life, a real life, with a working heart that could give him actual emotions. Roxas didn't have to pretend at anything anymore; his days of make-believe with Axel were over.

As for Axel, well. He couldn't even win a sparring match against the blond Keyblade Wielder. The two times he'd tried, during his failed last mission for Organization XIII, he ended up dragging his bruised, aching, half-conscious ass as far away from DiZ's simulated Twilight Town as he possibly could to recover. How a young kid like Roxas could pack such a punch, Axel would never know.

The last time Axel took the popsicle stick out to look at was after he encountered Sora in what had formerly been his homeworld, Radiant Garden. He spun the bit of wood between his fingers and, for the first time since he'd had a heart, he made a promise. Axel would help Sora (and, by default, Roxas) take down Organization XIII, even if he died doing it. After all, that was what friends (and more-than-friends but not-quite-lovers like Axel and Roxas had been) did. They helped each other, no matter what the cost.

Even if Axel died, it would still be a victory as long as Roxas could keep on living.

**...**

**Author's Note****: Once again, I wish everybody reading this a Happy AkuRoku Day! I actually quite like this one, although I'm not sure if anyone else will. It has no action in it, after all, just introspection. The original story I wrote was very different, but I didn't like it and it was getting too convoluted at the end. So I scrapped it and wrote this one instead.**

**I've now hit the half-way mark for this story collection! Only six more to go, whoo!**

**Let's see if I can't make the next story angst-free, shall we? Until then, I hope the end of your summer goes well!**

**REVIEW CORNER****: Thanks for Reviewing: **Dlbn, moon maiden of time

**Send me some love! Review!**


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